Worrying – And How To Deal With It

Many people who come to counselling describe feeling caught in cycles of worry. Their minds repeatedly return to the same concerns – about work, relationships, health, or the future. Sometimes the worry is about real problems that need attention. At other times it is the mind trying to prepare for possibilities that may never happen.

While occasional worry is a normal part of being human, constant worrying can quietly drain our energy and disturb our sense of peace. Learning how to step back from anxious thinking, and to put concerns into perspective, can make a significant difference to our emotional wellbeing.

Putting Worries Into Perspective

One helpful way of approaching worry is to ask a simple question: Will this matter in a year’s time? If the answer is no, you might then ask:

• Will it matter in six months?

• Will it matter in a month?

• Will it matter in a week?

Using this kind of mental filter can help place concerns in perspective. A disagreement with a colleague, an awkward social interaction, or a mistake at work can feel overwhelming at the time. Yet when we imagine looking back on the situation months later, we often realise it is unlikely to carry the same weight.

This exercise does not mean dismissing our feelings. What feels significant in the present moment deserves acknowledgement. But, over time, learning to question the urgency of certain worries can create more mental space and reduce unnecessary stress.

When Worries Really Do Matter

Of course, some worries are not trivial. Certain events in life genuinely have long-term consequences. Illness, loss, financial difficulties, relationship breakdowns, or uncertainty about the future can create very real anxiety. In these situations, simply telling ourselves not to worry is rarely helpful. Instead, another question can sometimes open a more constructive path: What might this experience teach me?

This does not mean pretending that painful events are positive. But people frequently discover that hardship can lead to growth in unexpected ways. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as post-traumatic growth. After going through challenging experiences, people sometimes find that they develop deeper qualities such as:

• greater patience

• stronger perseverance

• increased empathy for others

• courage in difficult situations

• a broader perspective on life

• the ability to forgive or let go

This kind of growth does not erase the pain of what happened. However, recognising that difficult experiences may contain the possibility of learning or transformation can soften the emotional impact.

Instead of feeling entirely powerless, people sometimes begin to find meaning in what they have experienced.

A Story That Changed Someone’s Perspective

I once heard a former politician speak about something that happened during a period of time he spent in prison. He described an encounter that had stayed with him long afterwards.

While he still had some time left to serve, a young man – only twenty-one years old – approached him and said that he was due to be released the following day. However, he added that, if he could, he would swap places with the politician and remain in prison instead.

When asked why, the young man explained that outside prison there was nothing waiting for him. No family, no close friends, no job, and no clear sense of direction. Prison was difficult, but it at least offered structure and a form of belonging. The outside world felt far more uncertain and frightening.

Not long after his release, the young man died from a drug overdose.

The politician said that, instead of seeing people who commit crime simply as “bad” individuals, we need to look at what circumstances have shaped their lives. What losses, loneliness, or lack of support have led them to where they are? It may be more helpful to ask what help they may have need instead of just punishing them. I had never heard him say anything like this before he went to prison: this experience had clearly deepened his understanding of human behaviour.

Breaking The Cycle Of Worry

Worry often thrives on repetition. The mind returns again and again to the same thought, replaying possibilities and trying to resolve uncertainty. But many worries cannot be solved through thinking alone. When this happens, continually revisiting the same concern can actually increase anxiety rather than reduce it.

A helpful step can be recognising when thinking has become unproductive. Some people find it useful to ask themselves: “Is there anything practical I can do about this right now?”

If the answer is yes, then taking a small step toward addressing the problem may reduce the worry.

If the answer is no, then it may be more helpful to gently shift attention elsewhere. Activities such as walking, exercise, creative work, or simply focusing on the present moment can help interrupt the cycle of repetitive thinking. This does not mean ignoring problems. It means recognising that the mind sometimes needs a break from trying to solve things that cannot be solved immediately.

Allowing Room For Uncertainty

One of the deeper reasons people worry is that uncertainty can feel uncomfortable. The mind often prefers a negative certainty to an unknown future. Yet uncertainty is an unavoidable part of life. No amount of worrying can guarantee that events will unfold exactly as we hope.

Learning to live with a degree of uncertainty is therefore an important part of reducing chronic worry. Instead of trying to control every possible outcome, we can gradually develop trust in our ability to cope with whatever happens.

Many people discover that they are far more resilient than they originally believed.

Moving Toward Peace Of Mind

Peace of mind does not come from eliminating every problem. Rather, it comes from developing the ability to face life’s uncertainties with a calmer and more balanced outlook.

If you find that worry is taking up a lot of mental space in your life, it can sometimes help to explore what lies beneath it. In counselling, people often discover that their worries are connected to deeper concerns about uncertainty, relationships, or past experiences. Having a space to talk these things through can help bring clarity and a greater sense of calm.