When Persistence Helps – and When It Doesn’t

We often hear the familiar proverb:

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

Persistence is usually presented as an unquestioned virtue. We are encouraged to keep pushing, keep striving, and never give up. Certainly, some degree of persistence is important. Without it, we might abandon things too quickly and miss opportunities for learning and growth.

But like many qualities, persistence can become unhelpful when taken to extremes. When we are repeatedly told that giving up is a failure, we may continue investing energy in situations that are exhausting, unrealistic, or simply not right for us. At times, the cultural message around persistence can feel almost moralistic: those who succeed are admired for their determination, while those who stop trying are sometimes seen as lacking resilience or commitment.

Two well-known quotes capture the powerful appeal of persistence and human potential:

“Compared to what we ought to be, we're only half awake… We make use of only a small part of our mental and physical resources.” - William James

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence… Persistence and determination are omnipotent.” - Calvin Coolidge

Ideas like these are inspiring. They suggest that human beings possess enormous unused potential, and that success often comes from pushing beyond perceived limits. The implication is that if we simply persist long enough, we can overcome most obstacles.

There are many stories that seem to support this idea. Popular culture is full of examples of individuals who refused to give up despite repeated rejection or failure. For example, it is often said that Colonel Sanders’ recipe was rejected more than a thousand times before Kentucky Fried Chicken finally became successful. Stories like this reinforce the belief that persistence inevitably leads to success, and they are often used as motivational examples in business books, self-help seminars, and speeches.

Stories of success tend to be repeated because they are inspiring and memorable. But the countless examples where persistence did not lead to success rarely receive attention. These stories are not written into motivational literature, and they do not appear in business magazines or documentaries. They quietly disappear.

This creates a kind of “survivor bias.” We hear about the rare cases where persistence produced remarkable success, but we do not see the many situations where people invested years of effort with little reward. When viewed in this way, persistence may appear more reliable than it actually is.

Another important factor is that people respond very differently to prolonged struggle:

• Some individuals genuinely thrive on challenge and rejection. For them, setbacks act as motivation rather than discouragement. Each failure becomes an opportunity to adjust strategy and try again. These people may possess a temperament that allows them to tolerate uncertainty, frustration, and repeated setbacks without becoming overwhelmed.

• For others, however, repeated rejection can be emotionally draining. It may lead to stress, anxiety, or a gradual loss of confidence. Continuing indefinitely in the face of constant disappointment can sometimes erode wellbeing rather than strengthen it.

Neither response is inherently right or wrong. They simply reflect differences in personality, values, and life circumstances. What energises one person may exhaust another.

This is where self-awareness becomes particularly important. Instead of assuming that persistence is always the correct response, it can sometimes be helpful to pause and reflect on our situation.

Questions such as the following can provide valuable perspective:

• Is this pursuit still meaningful to me?

• Is the effort required sustainable over time?

• Am I continuing because it feels right, or because I believe I should?

These kinds of reflections are often explored in counselling. The purpose is not to discourage effort or ambition, but to help people understand themselves more clearly and make decisions that support their emotional wellbeing.

Many individuals find themselves trapped between two powerful social messages. On one hand, they are encouraged to “never give up.” On the other, they may feel increasingly exhausted or discouraged by the struggle they are facing. Counselling can provide a space to examine these tensions without judgement.

Sometimes persistence is exactly what is needed. There are situations where continuing through difficulty leads to growth, mastery, or achievement that would not otherwise have been possible. Learning a new skill, building a career, repairing a relationship, or pursuing a meaningful goal often requires patience and sustained effort. At other times, however, letting go of a particular struggle can open the door to something more suitable or fulfilling. Stepping away from an unproductive path is not always a failure; it can also be a thoughtful adjustment based on new understanding.

In many areas of life, flexibility is just as important as determination. Knowing when to continue and when to redirect our energy is a skill that develops through experience and reflection.

There is also a broader question about how we define success. Much of modern culture focuses heavily on achievement, productivity, and external recognition. These measures can be valuable, but they are not the only sources of satisfaction in life. Many people discover deep contentment in areas that have little to do with competitive success: relationships, creativity, learning, humour, physical wellbeing, and simple everyday pleasures. Reading a good book, sharing time with friends, enjoying nature, or developing a hobby can bring a sense of richness that is often overlooked in discussions about ambition and perseverance. When viewed from this perspective, life does not have to be a constant struggle for accomplishment. It can also be a process of discovering what genuinely matters to us and shaping our efforts around those values.

Persistence can certainly be a powerful quality. It allows us to overcome obstacles, develop resilience, and achieve goals that require sustained commitment. But like any strength, it works best when combined with reflection and balance.

Success does not always come from pushing harder. Sometimes it comes from stepping back, reassessing our direction, and choosing carefully where our energy is best invested.

In the end, persistence is most helpful when it serves our wellbeing rather than undermining it. By remaining attentive to our own needs, limits, and aspirations, we can decide when perseverance is valuable – and when it may be wiser to move in a new direction. Maybe a more user-friendly proverb would be:

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again – but don’t feel obliged to needlessly keep struggling forever.”